First you have to give up. First you have to know, not fear, know that one day you are going to die.
Too true, Tyler.
I haven't been a part of Eve Online for far too long. When last I played, I was rather new at the job I'm currently at and my stress levels were through the roof.
I lost a ship.
I got way too angry.
I ragequit the game like a little bitch.
Now I'm back. Back in game, back in Eve University. They're an awesome bunch.
I lost another ship tonight. This time, it was intentional.
I wanted to lose it. I wanted to be podded. I needed to get that out of my system so I found a war target and basically flew in circles around him going bababhabbhahbhhbabbab like that kid in the Porkchop Sandwiches video. He and his mate did the right thing. They shot my ship to pieces and then destroyed my pod with me and all of my implants lost.
It's only after we've lost everything that we are free to do anything.
You know, I'm ok with that this time.
I lost everything. Then I woke up in a new clone and in a roundabout way got in touch with my invited assassin and thanked him.
Life goes on. I paid attention during my execution. I let the sound of the shields/armor/hull failing alarms wash over me. I let my heart race, certain in the knowledge of my impending death. I know the sounds, I know the feel. They are more a part of me now and the next time I'm in that situation, it won't be something unfamiliar. I will replay that fight in my head, I will go back to that place of screeching alarms and tachycardia and looking for a celestial to bounce to.
I won't be perfect. I will die again. I will live again. I will feel the excitement, but I will have a better grasp of it and will hopefully be able to keep some portion of rational thought going.
